Good Mourning group helps light path through grief

Sun City resident Gerry Saull lost her husband about two years ago and didn’t know where to turn.

Fellow Sun Citian Jane Kane was also dealing with the aftermath of her spouse’s death.

Janet Wright of Peoria lost a son four years ago and was struggling to deal with the grief.

The three women, along with about 20 other members, comprise the Good Mourning group and have found that together, they are able to move forward in the healing process.

“I couldn’t do it by myself. It’s a place that you can say whatever it is in your heart and you can’t do that in the outside world because, unfortunately, people get tired of 'I miss my husband,’ but here that doesn’t happen. It’s a safe place,” Saull said.

Kane added, “Here you can let down and people know that none of us are strong getting through. People care and understand, where out in the world people see you and you put on a smile and they think you’re fine.”

Since its creation in November 1985 by Al Rich, a retired minister, and Bill Aaron, the first general manager of Sunland Mortuary in Sun City, more than 2,500 people have “graduated” from the Good Mourning program and had their names etched on the “Wailing Wall.”

The group’s informal sharing sessions take place twice a week at Sunland, where members share stories and cry, listen and offer support to each other in the most difficult of times.

Celebrating the 25th anniversary of the program this month is rewarding for Rich, who founded the group after learning suicides among the elderly in Sun City far surpassed the national average.

“Back in 1985, the suicide (rate) among the elderly was higher in Sun City than in the rest of the country. More suicides in the first year after the death of a loved one than anywhere else in the country,” he said. “So that alerted me and Bill Aaron to be concerned about it. So we started on a one-month trial basis, 25 years ago. The month has been a long month, but a lot of people have been helped by it. And we have not had a suicide of anyone in the group.”

As Rich would learn, recovering from the loss of a loved one is a grueling process that requires time, patience and support — but one that is not hopeless.

“It’s preventative medicine as I call it. Grief is an illness. You don’t get credit for being sick but you’re as emotionally ill or sick as you’ve ever been in your life. But there’s only one way to go and that’s up. We’re here to pull each other up,” he said. “It takes someone in grief to relate to someone in grief. Here you can say what you damn well please and know it’s going to be all right because everyone is there with you. That’s the beauty of the environment. There’s automatic empathy when you walk into the room.”

The group is open to the public and for people of all ages. Its members “graduate” and receive a white handkerchief only when they feel ready, Rich said.

For Jack Smith of Sun City West, the group was actually “prescribed” to him after the loss of his wife.

“After about two or three visits (my psychiatrist) said, 'Jack, I can help you with your depression but here’s a group I want you to go see for your mourning. They’ll do more for you than I can.’ And he pulled his prescription pad over and wrote 'the Good Mourning group over at Sunland’ and that’s how I got here,” he said. “I come here because this is where people share with me — they don’t tell me what to do, they don’t preach to me — they share, and that to me is the important thing. It’s almost like I’m sick and I come here to get medicine.”

Sun City Grand resident Vicki Boostrom encouraged her father, Milton Andrews, a Sun Citian, to attend meetings after the loss of her mother. Together, they are overcoming their grief.

A friend brought Trish Vogritz of Sun City to a meeting after she lost her mother last year.

“My friend brought me here and it was the best thing that happened to me ... now I come here and we talk and it helps because we have the same thing in common. Grief is grief, and we learn how to cope with it, but it will get easier,” she said.

No matter how Good Mourning members first came to the class — or how long they’ve been coming — Rich said he is proud of each person for working through the pain.

“I’m proud of each of them because they work through the toughest time of their life and are still alive and surviving,” he said. “Unless you deal with this illness in a positive and progressive way, you can kill yourself with it.”

“For me it’s the most fulfilling ministry because I can see the results,” he added.

For information about the Good Mourning group call Sunland Mortuary at 623-933-0161. The meetings are from 8:30 to 9:30 a.m. every Tuesday and Thursday in the Lakeside Conference Room and are open to the public.

Sunland Mortuary is at 15826 N. Del Webb Blvd.