These picks are charged up
Bordow: I'm a pro, so my NFL picks are foolproof
Before we get to my NFL picks, a few words about my credentials.
I am a professional sports writer; please don't try this at home.
Any bad predictions I've made in the past - Yankees in five, Cowboys over the Cardinals in the 1998 NFL playoffs, the Suns will regret trading Stephon Marbury - are irrelevant. Everyone has a bad decade.
My co-owner and I have won three fantasy football championships, and it had nothing to do with the fact we had Peyton Manning, LaDainian Tomlinson and Steve Smith in a keeper league.
So without further ado, here are my sure-fire, 100 percent guaranteed NFL predictions.
(Unless, of course, they're wrong.)
Arizona Cardinals (7-9): More talent on the roster than last year, but schedule is brutal.
And my Super Bowl prediction:
San Diego 27, Dallas 21.
St. Louis Rams (6-10):
If Marc Bulger gets hurt, it could be worse.
AFC EAST
New England Patriots (12-4):
The defense is slower and older, and Tom Brady's foot is a concern, but they're still the class of the division.
Buffalo Bills (8-8):
Quick, name me three Bills starters.
New York Jets (8-8):
You read it here first. Brett Favre will not play a full season.Miami Dolphins (5-11):
With Ricky Williams getting carries, season goes up in smoke.AFC NORTH
Pittsbur
gh Steelers (11-5): My boss is a Steelers fan. I love that team.Cincinnati Bengals (8-8):
Ocho Cinco muy loco.Cleveland Browns (7-9):
Derek Anderson was exposed last December. Get ready for Brady Quinn.Baltimore Ravens (6-10):
Quarterback Joe Flacco has a great arm, but he's a rookie.AFC SOUTH
Indianapolis Colts (12-4):
Look for Marvin Harrison to have a big comeback season.Jacksonville Jaguars (11-5):
Dirk Koetter has found his niche as an offensive coordinator.Tennessee Titans (7-9):
Vince Young still can't throw the ball.Houston Texans (6-10):
The one team I might be underestimating.AFC WEST
San Diego Chargers (13-3):
What, they're going to win fewer games playing Denver, Kansas City and Oakland twice?Denver Broncos (8-8):
Jay Cutler will be the NFL's next great quarterback. (He'd better be. I drafted him high.)Kansas City Chiefs (4-12):
Oh, for the days of Hank Stram and Lenny Dawson.Oakland Raiders (3-13):
Let's get a pool going. Which day will coach Lane Kiffin be fired?NFC EAST
Dallas Cowboys (12-4):
There are too many knuckleheads in the locker room but, boy, can they play.New York Giants (10-6):
Eli Manning's late-season play in 2007 wasn't a fluke.Philadelphia Eagles (9-7):
I'd think more highly of them, but can Donovan McNabb stay healthy?Washington Redskins (6-10):
How to ruin a franchise, by Daniel Snyder.NFC NORTH
Minnesota Vikings (11-5):
Great defense, running game, but is Tavaris Jackson the answer at quarterback?Green Bay Packers (10-6):
Don't worry about Aaron Rodgers. He'll do just fine.Detroit Lions (6-10):
How does general manager Matt Millen keep his job?Chicago Bears (6-10):
Kyle Orton is the starting quarterback. Enough said.NFC SOUTH
New Orleans Saints (11-5):
Don't be surprised if Drew Brees is the league's MVP.Tampa Bay Buccaneers (8-8):
It's been a long time since Jon Gruden and boy wonder were used in the same sentence.Carolina Panthers (6-10):
As long as Steve Smith doesn't punch another teammate.Atlanta Falcons (4-12):
And Matt Ryan thought he didn't have a lot of talent around him at Boston College.NFC WEST
Seattle Seahawks (11-5):
No one pays any attention to them, but they're good. Real good.San Francisco 49ers (4-12):
Is Alex Smith the biggest bust in NFL history?