Guide to Translating Man Language

These translations are for all of you wonderful women out there, so that you will know what men really mean when they say...

• “IT’S A GUY THING”

Translated: “There is no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical.”

• “CAN I HELP WITH DINNER?”

Translated: “Why isn’t it already on the table?”

• “UH HUH,” “SURE, HONEY,” OR “YES, DEAR”

Translated: Absolutely nothing. It’s a conditioned response.

•“IT WOULD TAKE TOO LONG TO EXPLAIN”

Translated: “I have no idea how it works.”

• “TAKE A BREAK, HONEY. YOU’RE WORKING TOO HARD.”

Translated: “I can’t hear the game over the vacuum cleaner.”

• “THAT’S INTERESTING, DEAR.”

Translated: “Are you still talking?”

• “YOU KNOW HOW BAD MY MEMORY IS.”

Translated: “I remember the theme song to ‘F Troop,’ the address of the first girl I ever kissed and the vehicle identification numbers of every car I’ve ever owned ... but I forgot your birthday.”

• “OH, DON’T FUSS, I JUST CUT MYSELF. IT’S NO BIG DEAL.”

Translated: “I have actually severed a limb but will bleed to death before I admit that I’m hurt.”

• “HEY, I’VE GOT MY REASONS FOR WHAT I’M DOING.”

Translated: “And I sure hope I think of some pretty soon.”

• “I CAN’T FIND IT.”

Translated: “It didn’t fall into my outstretched hands, so I’m completely clueless.”

•“WHAT DID I DO THIS TIME?”

Translated: “What did you catch me at?”

• “I’M NOT LOST. I KNOW EXACTLY WHERE WE ARE.”

Translated: “No one will ever see us alive again.”

• “WE SHARE THE HOUSEWORK.”

Translated: “I make the messes; she cleans them up.”