• Ocean crossing flight: This is your captain speaking, I just wanted to take this time to remind you that your seat cushions can be used as flotation devices.

• Hey folks, we’re going to play a little game of geography trivia. If you can recognize where we are, tell your flight attendant and receive an extra pack of peanuts.

• Our loss of altitude allows a unique close up perspective of the local terrain. I assure you that it’s all part of our airline’s new commitment to make your a flight a sight seeing extravaganza.

• Ummmmm ... Sorry … (silence)

• It would be a good idea if right now everyone closed their shades and watched the in-flight movie.

• We’ve now reached our cruising altitude of 20,000 feet and … Oh noooooooo!!!!!

• Don’t worry! That one is always on E …

• Get the parachutes ready …

• Drinks are on me …

• I’ll have what the captain’s having…

• (As the plane turns around right after takeoff) ... uhhhhh ... we have to go back ... we ... we ... uhhhhhh … forgot somethin ...